|Most guys know more about what’s under the hood of a car than they do about what's under the hood of a clitoris. We’re woefully “ill-cliterate,” which is a shame when you consider that the clitoris -- with more than 18 parts, twice as many nerve endings as the penis, and the enviable ability to produce multiple orgasms -- is the indisputable powerhouse of the female orgasm.
Fortunately, when pleasuring a woman, there are multiple methods for multiple orgasms, so in the spirit of resourcefulness, here are some sexual survival tips for making it happen.
Forget everything you learned in Psychology 101. Sigmund Freud made a name for himself demonizing the clitoris and formulating a truly kooky view of women’s sexuality. Freud got the idea into his head that the clitoris was an immature source of sexual pleasure, a mere launching pad for the more mature vaginal orgasm, which, of course, could only be produced via genital intercourse. At the end of his life, Freud acknowledged his incomplete understanding of female sexuality and said, “If you want to know more about femininity, you must interrogate your own experience, or turn to the poets, or else wait until science can give you more profound and more coherent information.” Or, for today’s modern guy, just turn to the woman in bed next to you and deploy some basic “cliteracy”.
When it comes to satisfying a woman, a little old-fashioned chivalry goes a long way. Lest you think the importance of such courtesy is over-exaggerated, direct your attention to Lorena Bobbitt who, when questioned by police as to why she cut off her husband’s penis, responded, “He always has an orgasm and doesn’t wait for me. It’s unfair.” Need one say more?
The simple fact is that the male orgasm typically comes easy. Masters and Johnson dubbed it “ejaculatory inevitability” and the late Dr. Alfred C. Kinsey declared that 75% of men ejaculate within two minutes.
Is it any surprise, then, that researchers from the University of Chicago declared in the 1994 Sex in America Survey that men reach orgasm during intercourse far more consistently than women do, and that three-quarters of men, but less than a third of women, always have orgasms? This means that more than two out of three women on average are consistently denied their climax -- good reason to start hiding the cutlery.
Studies such as those by Kinsey and Masters & Johnson have concluded that, among women whose partners spent 21 minutes or longer on foreplay, only 7.7% failed to reach orgasm consistently. That’s a shift of tectonic proportions, from two out of three women not being able to reach climax to 9 out of 10 achieving satisfaction, all due to a matter of minutes.
So take the path of the true gentleman: Postpone your pleasure until she’s had hers!
THINK OUTSIDE OF THE BOX
Rare is the man who boasts in the locker room, “I made love to her as subtly and lightly as a feather” or, “I grazed her vulva as with the delicate wings of a butterfly.” Yet such language would be appropriate, since the inner two-thirds of the vagina are substantially less sensitive than the outer third. So think outside the box (pun definitely intended), but know that the clitoris is extremely sensitive to physical sensation and needs to be properly prepped for serious stimulation. Avoid her genitals and go easy on her breasts, primarily her nipples, for a good 10 to 15 minutes.
Now let’s get to it… once she’s nice and warmed up, we need to find that elusive multiple orgasm.
DEVELOP YOUR CLITORAL COMPASS
When embarking on a journey of female sexual response, know your way around her vulva -- from the northern tippy-top of the clitoral glans (the “love-button,” so to speak), to the western and eastern boundaries of the labia minora (her inner lips) to the southernmost regions of the perineum (the smooth expanse of skin just below the vaginal entrance) and anus.
Stop thinking of the clitoris as a little bump, and start thinking of it as a complex network, a multiple orgasm-producing pleasure-dome, the Xanadu at the heart of female sexuality. With over 8,000 nerve fibers, the clitoris has more of them than any other part of the human body and interacts with the 15,000 nerve fibers that service the entire pelvic area. As science writer Natalie Angier describes the clitoral network, “Nerves are like wolves or birds: If one starts crying, there goes the neighborhood.”
LET YOUR FINGERS DO THE WALKING AND DON’T STOP TALKING!
That advice comes from one of my female patients, who told me that some of her best orgasms came while receiving manual stimulation from her boyfriend as he simultaneously stared into her eyes and talked dirty. I won’t put words in your mouth (you can use your imagination for that), but I will tell you to rest comfortably on your side, place your hand over her vulva, and press lightly against her pubic mound with the base of your palm.
Let your fingers drape against the full expanse of her vulva like a thick curtain. Let her push against your palm, and use your index and middle fingers to make rhythmic upside-down "come hither" gestures along her vaginal entrance. Lightly stimulate her clitoral glans (the head) with your fingertips. For variety, reach in and up with two fingers and press them against her vaginal ceiling as though you were lifting her up off the bed, an ideal way to simultaneously stimulate her clitoris and G-spot.
THE TONGUE IS MIGHTIER THAN THE SWORD
Indeed, the tongue is a powerful tool, but not when used like a cobra lashing out at a mongoose. As one woman confessed, “Every time my boyfriend goes down on me, it’s like the running of the bulls in Spain - a mad stampede for the clit and I just want to get out of the way.” Overstimulation is NOT fun for the woman in most instances.
When it comes to conversing in the language of love, cunnilingus should be every man’s native tongue. Oral sex can be an excellent method for multiple orgasms. Even porn star Ron Jeremy, in possession of the famous 10-inch member, observed, “More women have gotten off with my tongue than with my penis.”
Once found, a skilled cunnilinguist rarely goes unappreciated. But if you’re not sure exactly how, just press a flat, still tongue against her vulva and let her do the work. It’s the cunnilingus equivalent of letting her get on top.
One of my favorite tongue techniques is the “Grind Shot”: Let her push and grind against your flat, still tongue - take it all in - and then spring back with a series of fast vertical and diagonal tongue strokes. Lick her senseless with a short burst of energy and then return to the flat, still tongue, waiting for yet another opportune moment to spring to life again.
Try licking her with the skill of an experienced painter: broad strokes, with pinpoint targeted precision. Swoop serpent-like, starting with the flat part of the tongue and ending with the tip. Be sure you know what you’re aiming for; demonstrate the precision that underlies the passion.
LEARN HOW NOT TO MAKE LOVE LIKE A PORN STAR
Irrespective of Jenna Jameson’s best-selling admonition, take the pressure off and think of your penis as just another tool in your sexual survival kit.
Focus on shallow thrusts. In the standard missionary position (you on top, her beneath you), use the tip of your penis to barely penetrate her vaginal entrance. Let your penis rest just inside her. (If you’re uncomfortable in the missionary position, simply kneel or sit in front of her vulva). Linger. Loiter. Meander. Stay close to the entrance.
Press your thumb against her clitoral head and gently flick it from side to side as you penetrate her with your short, shallow thrusts. Or press the shaft of your penis against her clitoris and gently thrust between the folds of her labia without ever entering her. When you thrust deeply, press your pelvic bone against her clitoris and hold the position before withdrawing.
GET INTO THE 90-SECOND WINDOW
Before shifting from genital penetration to orgasm, use manual and oral stimulation to bring her as near as possible to the point of orgasmic inevitability.
Cunnilinguists are in a great position to observe the visible signs of arousal, especially when the lights are on. Of particular note will be the darkening in color and deepening in luster of her inner labia and the retraction of the clitoral head into its hood, both signs that she's within 90 seconds of reaching climax. Even in the dark, it's not hard to observe when the glans has retracted; focus on feeling the head when it's fully protruded and erect, and you'll easily be able to recognize its absence.
Once she’s in the 90-second window, try the female superior position (woman on top). An excellent method for multiple orgasms, this position is ideal for her to: Position her clitoris against your pubic bone at the base of your penis and achieve the ideal amount of pressure; stimulate her clitoris against your penis; control rhythm and pace; and modulate the experience of orgasm.
Or try the Coital Alignment Technique (CAT). This sexual position is designed to greatly improve a woman's chance of orgasm through genital penetration and enhances the standard missionary position. During CAT, the man penetrates from a higher angle than usual, placing pressure on the woman's clitoris with the base of his penis and pubic bone. When performing CAT, the main thing to keep in mind is to maintain contact with the clitoris. The overall movement is much less a thrusting than a synchronized rocking back and forth, with the focus on the clitoris and the base of the penis.
HIT IT DIRECTLY
Fortunately, the G-spot, named after German doctor Ernest Grafenberg, is really more of an area than a single spot. Located atop the vaginal ceiling, with the diameter of a small coin, you can actually feel it swell during arousal. The G-spot responds to firmer stimulation than the clitoris, and though its stimulation will very likely enhance or deepen clitoral satisfaction, that won’t happen independently of the clitoris. Some of the latest research even suggests that the G-spot is nothing more than the back-end roots of the clitoris.
That brings us to the point that the most satisfying orgasms are the ones that combine clitoral and G-spot stimulation, also known as the blended orgasm. Focus on simultaneously stimulating the surface of her vulva and her upper-vaginal ceiling. Some time-proven combinations for producing blended orgasms that respectively stimulate her clitoris and G-spot include tongue-fingers, tongue-vibrator, and fingers-vibrator. They have even created lines of vibrators just to reach the G-Spot specifically.
You might be thinking, with all of these various roads to orgasm, which is the one best traveled? All women have the innate capacity to experience multiple orgasms, and many realize this potential during masturbation. As Natalie Angier has written of the female orgasm, “It may take many minutes to reach the first summit, but once there, the lusty mountaineer finds wings awaiting her. She does not need to scramble back to the ground before scaling the next peak, but can glide like a raptor on currents of joy.”
Viva la vulva! And enjoy the oral revolution!